dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
