just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
