Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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