So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
