You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
time to smoke my breakfast
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
