These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
