I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
