I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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