thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
