New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
how does that bad decision feel?
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