Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
