All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
