Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
