there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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