I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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