Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
