I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
