you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
