I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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