I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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