I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
