Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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