its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
