hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
