so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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