His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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