She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
