I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
