He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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