apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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