there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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