I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was so not down for the gang bang
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
