shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
