I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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