So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
