He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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