I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
