Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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