its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
