Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
