the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
