speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
