thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
