mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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