He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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