i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
