At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
