i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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