dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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