i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
