But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
