I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
