dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
