Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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