There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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