Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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